Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread
- Thread starter Butters Made Me Do It
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I tried calling the Tinnitus Helpline. No answer - just kept ringing.
The word tinnitus.
It has a nice ring to it.
It has a nice ring to it.
- Oct 8, 2004
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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."
Ford Fairlane
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- Feb 21, 2002
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A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer thinks blondes are dumb and that he can get one over on her easily, so the lawyer asks if the blonde would like to play a fun game.
The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to fall asleep.
The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. "I'll ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5, then you'll ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, she agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The blonde quietly reaches into her pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it's the blonde's turn. She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all the references he could find on the internet; he sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the blonde up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The blonde reaches into her pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
The lawyer thinks blondes are dumb and that he can get one over on her easily, so the lawyer asks if the blonde would like to play a fun game.
The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to fall asleep.
The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. "I'll ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5, then you'll ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, she agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"
The blonde quietly reaches into her pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it's the blonde's turn. She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all the references he could find on the internet; he sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the blonde up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The blonde reaches into her pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
If I eat only a 1/3 of a Mars bar a day can I just rest?
bomberclifford
Importer/Exporter
A woman is in court for beating her husband with a guitar
"First offender?" the magistrate asks
"No" she replied, "First a Gibson, then a Fender"
"First offender?" the magistrate asks
"No" she replied, "First a Gibson, then a Fender"
How much did the Pirate pay to get his ears pierced ?
Buccaneer
Buccaneer
Used to be a sign in a jewelry shop in the Adelaide Train Station
"Ears pierced while you wait"
Where did Hitler hide his armies ?
Up his sleevies !
Up his sleevies !
bomberclifford
Importer/Exporter
Tommy 1: Hitler’s dog has no nose.
Tommy 2: How does he smell?
Tommy 1: Terrible!
Tommy 2: How does he smell?
Tommy 1: Terrible!
Ford Fairlane
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- Feb 21, 2002
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Happy Christopher Walken Day!
- Sep 8, 2014
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Doctor Feel
Shitposter In Chief
Ford Fairlane
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How do you tell the sex of an ant????
Drop the ant in water.....
If it sinks.... girl ant
If it floats......
Drop the ant in water.....
If it sinks.... girl ant
If it floats......
- Oct 30, 2012
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sadly I had to repeat this in my head TWICEHow do you tell the sex of an ant????
Drop the ant in water.....
If it sinks.... girl ant
If it floats......
Also 'man ant' doesn't work
- Oct 30, 2012
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I kept thinking dead ant and then the pink panther musicAlso 'man ant' doesn't work
How do you tell the sex of an ant????
Drop the ant in water.....
If it sinks.... girl ant
If it floats......
This is merely a social construct and demonstrates the persecution, hate and aggression that ants must suffer each and every day.
What if the ant identifies as LGBQIT…?
Hey Angus me old mate, I'm having trouble with the crossword today, can you give us a hand?
Och, aye - gie us one ye cannae dooo
Ok, one down - "trapped on a desert island", 8 letters, starts with M
Marooned!
Thanks mate, I'll have a pint of Mackeson's!
Och, aye - gie us one ye cannae dooo
Ok, one down - "trapped on a desert island", 8 letters, starts with M
Marooned!
Thanks mate, I'll have a pint of Mackeson's!
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