Analysis Whipping Boys - 2023 edition

[Vicky Park]

I read on the main board that Murphy has a bit of mongrel about him. A very small bit in my opinion. I'm going to spend the rest of the year collecting mongrel based data and then graphing it so that we can all be clear on the mongrel levels of all our players and can thus rank the players accordingly.

I think this is an excellent idea. It gives us more of a firm base - or the empirical evidence we need - from which to mount our attacks.

You could start with Bruzzy and Beau at the top of the mongrel tally...and then go all the way down to our old favourite, WHE. All other players would be ranked somewhere in between.

I expect it would be a most rewarding exercise, given the boredom we are all suffering from due to the team's insistence on winning games, and the rigor mortis that has set in on this thread.

 

[Markfs]

There's a fine line between yobbo imbecile and mongrel-infused, alpha male game-breaker. You might have noticed that the Fly has started calling Pete Frampton "Bill" instead of his nickname Billy.

It seems to be an irrelevant minor change but it's an attempt by the Fly to try to mould Pete into someone more intelligent. I doubt that the Fly will be successful. But the Fly goes by the theory that if you treat a player like a good footballer, then they will end up being a good footballer. The same goes with the name you give them.

Unfortunately, the Fly's theories are having a slow success rate. He cant budge Ruscoe to act like a good footballer. Bianco. THe Hyphen. He's been verballing Ned Kelly jnr for the last 18 months and Ned just looks at him like he is giving him lessons in basic arithmetic....

 

[sr36]

I'm hearing that it's been a tough week for Trey and he's set to miss the VFL game this week. He's inconsolable after his favourite whooppee cushion split and was deemed irrepairable.

 

[Markfs]

I'm hearing that it's been a tough week for Trey and he's set to miss the VFL game this week. He's inconsolable after his favourite whooppee cushion split and was deemed irrepairable.

I think he's been told that he cant base his popularity on a single whoope cushion prank....

 

[sr36]

I think he's been told that he cant base his popularity on a single whoope cushion prank....

I'm hoping next time Dekka adds a token prankster, it's a more rounded one with a few more pranks up his sleeve

 

[Markfs]

I'm hoping next time Dekka adds a token prankster, it's a more rounded one with a few more pranks up his sleeve

On the issue of more intellect, did you see the two post match VFL interviews with SA mullet and SOB (son of ben allen)? I just dont get how you can get through 13 years of school and not be able to construct a sentence...

 

[sr36]

On the issue of more intellect, did you see the two post match VFL interviews with SA mullet and SOB (son of ben allen)? I just dont get how you can get through 13 years of school and not be able to construct a sentence...

That bodes well. Abletts, Dusty, Plugger. We might be onto some rippers. Struggling with language often helps with mongrel too. When you can't get the words out, the fists often come out.

 

[Markfs]

That bodes well. Abletts, Dusty, Plugger. We might be onto some rippers. Struggling with language often helps with mongrel too. When you can't get the words out, the fists often come out.

Thats a good point but those three had other assets....being anti-social. I think some of our spuds are too damn friendly.

Listen, I've been watching last week's game ...as you do.... and spud murphy played ok. Now I know that hair flicking and bandana thing drives me crazy, but he seems to have improved under our tuition. I wouldnt say that he's a worthy pie player, but I wouldnt dump mid year if I had a chance...

 

[Wearmouth]

I’d like to whip Plugger. But I’m afraid that one crack of the whip might actually slice the man in half.

Did he take the incident with the pig to heart and has devoted himself to life long diet. He must have stopped eating altogether since that episode.


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[sr36]

Listen, I've been watching last week's game ...as you do.... and spud murphy played ok. Now I know that hair flicking and bandana thing drives me crazy, but he seems to have improved under our tuition. I wouldnt say that he's a worthy pie player, but I wouldnt dump mid year if I had a chance...

That's strange. When I've made a call on a player and categorised them as a spud - which I did for Spud Murphy years ago - I'm too busy abusing them when ever I see them to notice anything they do in the game

 

[Markfs]

That's strange. When I've made a call on a player and categorised them as a spud - which I did for Spud Murphy years ago - I'm too busy abusing them when ever I see them to notice anything they do in the game

I'm the same. I know we say that we criticise them and abuse them in order to improve them...but I never expected him to actually improve. I dunno...it might be a false dawn. I would hate to say that he's an acceptable player and then he falls in a hole and then this thread looks silly..... and we need to keep our reputation intact...but let's just say that he's doing ok at present...

although the hair thing is just unacceptable to me...

 

[Markfs]

I’d like to whip Plugger. But I’m afraid that one crack of the whip might actually slice the man in half.

Did he take the incident with the pig to heart and has devoted himself to life long diet. He must have stopped eating altogether since that episode.


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well there's something about two ways to make it in america.... either religious or skinny....and ablett took the first route...

 

[sr36]

I'm the same. I know we say that we criticise them and abuse them in order to improve them...but I never expected him to actually improve. I dunno...it might be a false dawn. I would hate to say that he's an acceptable player and then he falls in a hole and then this thread looks silly..... and we need to keep our reputation intact...but let's just say that he's doing ok at present...

although the hair thing is just unacceptable to me...

That's fine, but I'm going to keep whipping him.

 

[Timmy from Thomastown]

That's strange. When I've made a call on a player and categorised them as a spud - which I did for Spud Murphy years ago - I'm too busy abusing them when ever I see them to notice anything they do in the game

Murphy is a high quality spud. One of those expensive ones you never buy because they cost an extra $1 per kg. He’s a kipfler.

 

[noideaatall]

I read on the main board that Murphy has a bit of mongrel about him. A very small bit in my opinion. I'm going to spend the rest of the year collecting mongrel based data and then graphing it so that we can all be clear on the mongrel levels of all our players and can thus rank the players accordingly.

You do that, would be a good use of your talent

I think this is an excellent idea. It gives us more of a firm base - or the empirical evidence we need - from which to mount our attacks.

You could start with Bruzzy and Beau at the top of the mongrel tally...and then go all the way down to our old favourite, WHE. All other players would be ranked somewhere in between.

I expect it would be a most rewarding exercise, given the boredom we are all suffering from due to the team's insistence on winning games, and the rigor mortis that has set in on this thread.

Rigor mortis. Good point. The trouble with you mob is you whip randomly and at will so you have no understanding of how you use your whip when the team is runnning

I'm the same. I know we say that we criticise them and abuse them in order to improve them...but I never expected him to actually improve. I dunno...it might be a false dawn. I would hate to say that he's an acceptable player and then he falls in a hole and then this thread looks silly..... and we need to keep our reputation intact...but let's just say that he's doing ok at present...

although the hair thing is just unacceptable to me...

Case in point. You wrongly whpped a front runner, now you are grasping for straws.

You mob are basically up shite creek with a straw as a paddle. I will give you a big hint, something that may not have occurred to you earlier. Stick your focus on WHE, undeniably a player that presents for whipping week in week out. You can thank me when you reach enlightenment.

 

[Markfs]

You do that, would be a good use of your talent

Rigor mortis. Good point. The trouble with you mob is you whip randomly and at will so you have no understanding of how you use your whip when the team is runnning

Case in point. You wrongly whpped a front runner, now you are grasping for straws.

You mob are basically up shite creek with a straw as a paddle. I will give you a big hint, something that may not have occurred to you earlier. Stick your focus on WHE, undeniably a player that presents for whipping week in week out. You can thank me when you reach enlightenment.

wrongly whipped a front runner?....you must have been a jaidyn stephenson fan

 

[sr36]

You do that, would be a good use of your talent

Rigor mortis. Good point. The trouble with you mob is you whip randomly and at will so you have no understanding of how you use your whip when the team is runnning

Case in point. You wrongly whpped a front runner, now you are grasping for straws.

You mob are basically up shite creek with a straw as a paddle. I will give you a big hint, something that may not have occurred to you earlier. Stick your focus on WHE, undeniably a player that presents for whipping week in week out. You can thank me when you reach enlightenment.

If you actually believed your own tripe, you wouldn't have whipped all three of us, you would have chosen your one whipping boy and gone to town.

But you've shown your stripes. You're a whipper of all. Which leads me to believe that youre just another fanboy who doesn't get the fundamentals. Sure you can see that WHE is a hiding squib, but don't understand the damaged caused by weedy rangas, half blind gangly Americans, spuds, wokes and the like. You probably don't even notice a lack of mongrel. FFS!

 

[Markfs]

You do that, would be a good use of your talent

Rigor mortis. Good point. The trouble with you mob is you whip randomly and at will so you have no understanding of how you use your whip when the team is runnning

Case in point. You wrongly whpped a front runner, now you are grasping for straws.

You mob are basically up shite creek with a straw as a paddle. I will give you a big hint, something that may not have occurred to you earlier. Stick your focus on WHE, undeniably a player that presents for whipping week in week out. You can thank me when you reach enlightenment.

I think you forget an important part of the whipping process. Think of Ruscoe and how he came to the club with all his fake confidence and bravado. All that stuff with his mother.... all the kissing and cuddling with his team-mates and all that smiling...

What if we just let all these good feelings to fester? Instead of showing his true colours like he has over the last year or so, he might have managed to get into the seniors and establish himself.... only to let us down in a final. And we all know that he would!

He needed to be tested with whipping......

We need to try to undermine the players in their first year or so, to establish whether they have the true confidence and mongrel to have long careers and bring premierships home to us...

So we need to whip ALL of the weak links. And sometimes, players like Spud Murphy might get through the whipping and become a valuable member of the team - not that I'm saying he has at the moment.

And so, yes, we whip the rangas and the pasty skinned ones and the soy boys and all the other types that have shown to be weak links in the past. Because if we dont test them with whipping, then you wont get that Fly boy to do it.

We whip them all and treat them like crap and that shows just how much we love the team

 

[ThePhantom777]

WHE will always be a whipping boy... Even if he wins a Norm Smith in a premiership winning team.

 

[Markfs]

WHE will always be a whipping boy... Even if he wins a Norm Smith in a premiership winning team.

If that happens, we know that Carey and Mark Robinson will be on the selection panel...

 

[sr36]

WHE will always be a whipping boy... Even if he wins a Norm Smith in a premiership winning team.

Not sure. The once constant dependable whipping winds have become fickle. Markfs, our spiritual leader, has shown our falling standards by praising Spud Murphy and not sticking the whipping course that Spud needs for redemption or to be driven out of the club. All of this occurring during a time that will will go down in history as the headband fiasco - a time that is almost certain to become another way that this club loses another ****ing grand final.

 

[Markfs]

Not sure. The once constant dependable whipping winds have become fickle. Markfs, our spiritual leader, has shown our falling standards by praising Spud Murphy and not sticking the whipping course that Spud needs for redemption or to be driven out of the club. All of this occurring during a time that will will go down in history as the headband fiasco - a time that is almost certain to become another way that this club loses another ******* grand final.

I wouldnt call myself the spiritual leader. I just come on here to show myself as a committed magpie fan by belting the daylights out of our players. I just follow a steady stream of fans who have done the same over the years.

As for the Spud, I find his hair situation more disturbing than little johnny's skin. Unless he can find a way to do a reverse michael jackson, little johnny has no say in the skin that his loser father gave him. On the other hand, Spud blatantly compromises the team by his hair and his bandana. I've even sent emails to collingwood membership threatening to withdraw my support.....

I merely stated that the Spud had improved his play after we had encouraged him over the last year with our whipping. It was more a pat on the back to the subscribers of this thread and the game-day thread for their efforts.

And as for the hyphen, he has his role in the team and he should be grateful for our attention. If people in the game-day thread were forced to say something nice about him, then they wouldnt say anything at all, and I bet he would miss the attention that he has got since he dragged his useless carcass over from GWS and put together a witheringly lamentable career....

 

[Wearmouth]

Regarding WHE, you are wrong.

I have changed my view on his output and reasons for his inclusion in the team.

His value is of greater importance than Soy Boy’s was. And that’s from a many measured metric position.

So the whole premise by which this thread exists, comes into question. That someone like me who has changed their tune on WHE. Can do so and with good reason.


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[Vicky Park]

Murphy’s headband will not be responsible for us losing our next Grand Final. While it may come loose at a critical moment, and inconveniently cause his hair to fall over his eyes, our back six are ready. They train for loose headbands just like they train to win close games. That peroxide blonde anti-vaxxer bloke is the weak link, but he’s doing a headband awareness course as we speak.

It’s all good, you can stop catastrophising.

 

[Horaceg]

Maybe a loss to Brisbane is one we need to put some substance back into this thread

.……………..or just play Bianco, Cal Brown added mid season draft, anyone? Blair looks he could strap on the boots still.