Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[pastmyprimus]

I was arguing with a guy at a bar. He said he was a big pop star in the 80s.

I didn’t believe him but he was adamant.

 

[davesnothere]

 

[philreich]

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Boat club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His mates at the club are all astonished.

At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'

Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

'I lied about my age', Bob replies.

'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'

Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

 

[philreich]

Young bloke goes to his dentist. He sits in the chair, and his gorgeous blonde dentist looks into his mouth. After a quick examination, she says, "You need a root canal."

The patient says, "I certainly do. But how did you know that my first name is Canal?"

 

[philreich]

 

[davesnothere]

 

[davesnothere]

 

[davesnothere]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[dirty2]

A local farmer has successfully grown a field of vibrators.
Unfortunately he now has a problem with squatters.

 

[Grave Danger]

Cow to her misbehaving young calf:

"If your father could see you now he'd be turning in his gravy"

 

[philreich]

This guy never calls his wife by her first name - he always refers to her as "mother of six".

"Good morning mother of six - how did you sleep?"

"Hello mother of six - I'm home. How was your day?"

She's getting pretty sick of it, and she says to herself one day, "I do actually have a first name - I'll show him!!!"

They go to a party at a friend's house that night. When the husband is ready to leave, he calls out across the room, "Are you ready to leave, mother of six?"

Without hesitating, she replies, "I'll be ready in a couple of minutes, father of four."

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[finbarr]

I rear ended a car this morning...

As i was walking wawards the other car to see if the driver was ok, he got out of his car and stormed in my direction. He was a
DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"

 

[finbarr]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[wannabejack]

I named my two dogs Rolex and Timex.
They're my watch dogs.

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[finbarr]

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[philreich]

 

[wannabejack]

 

[dirty2]

View attachment 1766189

 

[Grave Danger]