Certified Legendary Thread Sack Hinkley 12 - Finals Are Scary

[RussellEbertHandball]

Breaking News: Port Adelaide Parts Ways with Ken Hinkley
Adelaide, October 5, 2024

In a seismic shake-up that has sent shockwaves through the AFL, Port Adelaide has bid farewell to their long-serving coach, Ken Hinkley. The decision, announced today, comes after a string of preliminary final losses and growing unrest among fans.

The Diamonds That Eluded Hinkley’s Pickaxe

Hinkley’s tenure resembled a relentless quest for diamonds—an underground tunnel of hopes and near misses. But sometimes, even the most determined miners must face reality. Despite his impressive coaching record, consistency remained elusive. Port’s game style? As unpredictable as a kangaroo on a pogo stick. You never knew what you’d get—a dazzling gem or a cubic zirconia.

The Two Miners: Success vs. Despondency

Picture this: Two miners hacking through the footy landscape. One, Hinkley, got close to the treasure but turned around, despondent. The other? Still persisting, pickaxe in hand. Port Adelaide’s powerbrokers now find themselves torn between these two miners. Hinkley’s combative nature and candid exchanges with players made him an easy target. But was he the problem, or just part of it?

The New Voice, the New Hope
Port Adelaide’s brains trust decided it was time for a new voice. Sometimes, persistence isn’t enough. Hinkley’s legacy? A record for coaching the most games at a club without ever reaching a grand final. The players? Still loyal, but perhaps craving a fresh tune. As the sun sets on Hinkley’s era, Port’s faithful wonder: Will the next miner strike gold?
Stay tuned for more updates as Port Adelaide charts a new course.

---

Disclaimer: This news story is a fictional creation for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidental.

That's better stuff than AFL Chief Fiction Writer Michael Christian has ever come up with.

 

[bow and arrow]

I'm doing a thing on the Bay reviewing every team for 2024. Trying to work out where I put us, and what rating.

Anyone got any inspiration for my Port Adelaide write up?

F for fail!

On SM-S711B using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[Scodges]

[emoji6][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]][emoji[emoji6]]" data-quote="Bay[emoji6]" data-source="post: 0" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">

It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen in [emoji6][emoji[emoji6][emoji6]] years of watching footy

I know right


Sent from my iPhone using BigFooty.com

 

[JHF1870]

F for fail!

On SM-S711B using BigFooty.com mobile app

I gave Crows F and 18th, followed by Melbourne and West Coast. Gave Richmond and North a D-

 

[John the Butcher]

Just Stop Oil have been engaged for an anti Hinkley display at the BnF tonight x

 

[Scodges]

Even if this stalagmite wins a flag next year, I’d still spit in his toast.


Sent from my iPhone using BigFooty.com

 

[RossFC]

I'm doing a thing on the Bay reviewing every team for 2024. Trying to work out where I put us, and what rating.

Anyone got any inspiration for my Port Adelaide write up?

C-

Ken’s legit done enough to retain his job because a Hawthorn player hit the post.

 

[RossFC]

Just Stop Oil have been engaged for an anti Hinkley display at the BnF tonight x

Just Stop Ken

 

[Fizzler]

I don't think I ever shared this in here, but on grand final day I was at the Royal Derby Hotel in Fitzroy with my Lions supporting mate, that pub that kept being shown in the media since it's kind of THE Fitzroy pub. Unrelated, but they had a team signed 2020 Port jumper and a 2004 premiership poster which I thought was odd, especially because we beat Brisbane in that exact game lol. Though now I'm researching, it looks like that's the spot where our Vic supporter group meets up, good to know. However I'm getting sidetracked. After the game there were TV cameras and I happened to get myself on Channel 9, though I noticed a Fox Footy camera filming fans after the game. While people were cheering I got up near the mic and yelled "SACK HINKLEY" a couple times. Someone said to me "they won't broadcast that will they" and I said "you're probably right, there's a pretty big protection racket for him". I'm assuming he was right, because someone would've mentioned it here, but I tried at least.

 

[Bump Bailey]

 

[Fizzler]

Wow, just as I feared last year we'd use Brisbane as a benchmark despite the fact we're now at least five years behind their schedule. That's remarkable.

 

[Us against the rest]

Bit late for Ken to be awake.

10.15pm – AFL Senior Coach Ken Hinkley interview and speech

 

[Addy23]

A lot of stuttering, how this guy is in our administration is beyond me

Insanity is trying the same thing again and again and expecting different results. Why do media/club always take about Ken's energy and love? And never about Ken's great gameplan or tactics? Its because he has none of the latter and thats what it takes to win a flag. Energy and love wont ever take you to the flag. Absolute malarkey from the club.

I would rather have a broken clock in the coaches box than this guy

 

[DaTBird187]

Here’s a tip for free. I’m not watching that.

 

[Bump Bailey]

Here’s a tip for free. I’m not watching that.

Trust me, you’re saving yourself some aggravation.

 

[PowerLil]

Hinkley now has a new hero, Chris Fagan. Perhaps appropriate, given that the Lions coach is 63, and the oldest premiership coach in 130 years of VFL/AFL competition. Donuts is now 58, older than anyone else to coach a premiership team. This would have the refreshed bogan believing he's got five years in the window to win his first flag and after that, could break Fagan's record with a second flag. The actuaries, and the rest of us, would rate his chances of hoisting the cup once as precisely zero. Breaking history is hard, and way more scary than even finals. Daddy is not that sort of trendsetter, is he, though strangely, some at Alberton believe he is.

Fagan made a gf in year 7, premiership year 8. Bad luck crybaby. You're 5 years past comparing yourself with him. You're a loser.

 

[John the Butcher]

Just Stop Ken

 

[rainwizard39]

Does he’s know you’ve actually got to make a grand final first to win one?

It’s been 12 ****ing years Matthew and he’s never made one.

 

[Kenny_Powers]

We always find a new benchmark.....its pathetic

When Kens 62 and past Fagans benchmark they'll find another benchmark.

Honestly this whole situation is juuuuuuust insanity


On iPhone using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[KrispyKremeMullanikka]

I didn't listen to it at all. I can't. I just think I know his MO.

Well listen to it

 

[Nelso]

This club is run by losers.

 

[hOUTkley]

This spud would have to be on the Mt Rushmore of biggest shit campaigners in our history.

Absolute failure

 

[Doctor Feel]

View attachment 2131625

The C stands for campaigner

 

[Port 2004]

A lot of stuttering, how this guy is in our administration is beyond me

Insanity is trying the same thing again and again and expecting different results. Why do media/club always take about Ken's energy and love? And never about Ken's great gameplan or tactics? Its because he has none of the latter and thats what it takes to win a flag. Energy and love wont ever take you to the flag. Absolute malarkey from the club.

I would rather have a broken clock in the coaches box than this guy

Richardson is a lightweight. Bloody hell he is an enbarrassment.

 

[Doctor Feel]

This seals it for me. He is going nowhere. This is all business as usual and the exact same bullshit we see year in year out.

If it quacks like a duck.